Five reflections on the good and bad of relationships

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Five reflections on the good and bad of relationships

Whoever said relationships are easy and a walk in the park needs to have his or her mind read and perhaps also head out for that walk again.

But on the other hand, married folks who have been together for unusually long decades simply shrug their shoulders and say it is never easy and polish this off with their own variation of the cliché that married life is tough.

Sigmund Freud and Karl Jung, on the other hand, have well-documented thoughts on relationships which, interestingly, don’t entirely correspond with what couples, old or young, married or contemporary, speak openly about on when asked how they cope with relationships in general.

Subjectively speaking, we happen to disagree with some of the things that Freud has come up with, but admittedly, we have not studied his entire volume of works, specifically those that deal with relationships, intimate (or not) ones, in particular.

Some of you may be reading this post just before you go to visit family as is traditional for this time of the year, or there may be many who have only had a chance to read the post a few days into 2016, still recovering from being overwhelmed by the holidays or the pain of dealing with family and/or loved ones. We say pain, because it is usually when couples place themselves under enormous but unnecessary pressure to please others (or themselves) and inevitably fail in their missions and have unhealthy rows, usually bringing up imbecilic and childish remarks which nevertheless hurt those that the curses are aimed at.

It also turns out that there are those out there, usually non-traditionalists, who somehow get it right by keeping their wits about them and carrying on with their lives, just as they had planned or wished. That being said, they are generally quite positive people, believing in themselves and believing in those that are close to them.

Relying only on the experiences, both good and bad, of others we have spoken and dealt with, and without the hindsight of analyses from Jung and Freud, we close off this year (or begin 2016, depending when you are reading these), by listing just five reflections on the good and bad of relationships.

The harsh critic
In its most extreme manifestation, the criticism meted out to the other partner is unwarranted and abusive, verbally or even physically, and sometimes both. The victim of such criticism is sometimes too weak to respond and can be irreparably wounded.

Shell-shocked behavior
Because they are so shy and timid, families don’t always notice them. They hide in their proverbial corner and retreat back into their lonely shell once all festivities are finally over.

Jealousy
All things being unequal in society these days, some have more than others, and those who have less (or so they thought) end up turning green with envy. A human condition, even the poor and meek of heart can be afflicted with fits of jealousy, particularly when witnessing the joyful expressions and listening to the shrill noises made by those who’ve just been spoilt with more than they care to share with others.

Avoiding the issue
One of the worst pitfalls of arguments between couples is that the root cause of their disagreements remain subconsciously buried deep in their collective psyches and are never fleshed out in the open. Tragically, wounds are deep too and couples are unafraid to expose themselves to what may be a dark secret or something very fragile.

Looking at yourself in the mirror
Defining just how much we love the next person will remain complex for as long as we and those that follow us walk this earth. A good way to approach this challenge is by taking a good look at oneself in the mirror.

Speaking to others who have been brave enough to talk to us, we’ve also had a good cry here and there. Sometimes it is better to let it all out. And it’s good to know that somewhere, somehow, there is someone out there who is willing and able to listen.
That being said, we’ve also had a good laugh, always trying to see the lighter side of relationships, even with all its ups and downs.

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